after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
