Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
