Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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