The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
