she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Drunk is not a location!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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