My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
