I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
