Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
