hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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