I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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