.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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