Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
