he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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