im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
