i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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