Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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