you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
