My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize