her vagine was all disorganized.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
