i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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