so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
