he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
