I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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