I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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