I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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