Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
