can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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