dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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