i came on her dog
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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