my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
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