im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
