I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
