You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
