I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
