I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
