We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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