just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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