so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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