I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
