Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
