I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
