i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
