I'm gonna have a badass scar
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
