At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
