you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
