Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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