i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
