This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
