Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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