When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
