based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
