Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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